August 19, 2022

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Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love (#529)

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“When we’re safe and secure and we feel we matter to others and that they have our back, our potential and our resources come out.”

— Dr. Sue Johnson

Dr. Sue Johnson (@Dr_SueJohnson) is a number one innovator within the fields of couple remedy and grownup attachment. She is the first developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 30 years of peer-reviewed medical analysis. Sue has acquired quite a few awards in recognition of her growth of EFT, together with the American Psychological Association’s “Family Psychologist of the Year” and the Order of Canada.

Her best-selling e book Hold Me Tight — with a couple of million copies bought—has taught numerous {couples} the way to improve and restore their love relationships. The e book has since been developed right into a relationship enhancement program referred to as Hold Me Tight Online. Her most up-to-date e book for clinicians, Attachment Theory in Practice, delineates the promise of attachment science for understanding and repairing relationships.

As the founding director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), Sue trains counselors in EFT worldwide and offers steerage to 80 affiliated facilities. She consults for the US and Canadian militaries and is a well-liked presenter and speaker for most of the people.

Please get pleasure from!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or in your favourite podcast platform.

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The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

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What was your favourite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.


Want to listen to one other episode with somebody who seeks to assist individuals higher join? Listen in on my final dialog with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling writer Esther Perel, during which we mentioned conducting distant remedy with {couples} throughout quarantine, dealing with uncertainty, the paradoxes introduced by spending extra time with the household, prompts for reconnecting with previous pals and colleagues, dancing versus train, the significance of decompressing from an excessive amount of dangerous information, and much more.

  • Connect with Dr. Sue Johnson:

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn


  • What peer-reviewed medical analysis helps Sue’s work? [06:25]
  • EFT has a excessive success fee in research with distressed {couples}. How is success clinically outlined for these {couples}? [09:33]
  • What scales are used to evaluate marital satisfaction and bond, and the way has this performed out in analysis? [13:33]
  • What is a maintain me tight dialog? [19:41]
  • Examples of how maintain me tight conversations can take form. [21:01]
  • How a maintain me tight dialog may work for somebody who tends to isolate (or feels remoted). [32:01]
  • On simply how frequent such isolation is, and the way “dependency” has turn out to be such a grimy phrase. [40:17]
  • Attachment parenting vs. sleep coaching. [44:36]
  • What are micro-interventions from Rogerian fashions of remedy (aka evocative questions)? [54:18]
  • How does Sue reply to a shopper who can’t actually reply how they’re feeling of their physique? [1:02:47]
  • How would somebody “up the ante” within the context of a maintain me tight dialog, and why does it normally have the alternative of its meant impact? [1:09:41]
  • How does Sue assist somebody work by means of anger? [1:11:35]
  • Why Sue is fascinated by Winston Churchill, and studying she recommends for somebody who needs to know extra about him. [1:15:02]
  • Tango speak. Since it famously takes two to tango, what sort of arguments do tango {couples} get into? [1:20:33]
  • How would Sue advise a pair who’s very a lot in love however their sexual spark has pale? [1:33:44]
  • Advice for a pair during which the lady has a extra sustained intercourse drive than the person. [1:43:11]
  • What introduced concerning the growth of Sue’s Hold Me Tight Online program, and what can individuals anticipate from it? [1:48:44]
  • Parting ideas. [1:53:17]


“Love is an ancient, wired-in survival code.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“If you can’t find comfort in the arms of another to heal from trauma, it’s bad news.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“What attachment science tells us is that emotional isolation is toxic for human beings. We found out that in the pandemic, but we still don’t get it.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“Once you feel seen, accepted, and held, there’s a natural human growth process that happens.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“The way human beings have survived through the centuries is through tuning in to others, reading their cues, collaborating, cooperating, moving close, supporting—that’s the way we’ve survived. And if you look at the problems facing our world right now, we’d better be learning from this science or we’re not going to survive. We’ve got to be able to come together.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“Shutting down and numbing out is a fragile strategy you can’t keep up for your whole life. It shatters under any kind of pressure.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“Parenting is a moving target. You accommodate your child, then your child changes.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“We understand that to be emotionally alone traumatizes a child. We need to apply that to adults because in that sense, we never grow up. Attachment goes from the cradle to the grave.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“Some of the cliches we have about love are really awful misinformation. But one of the cliches that’s really true—and this is true in most religions—is that when we’re loved, we grow and expand.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“Attachment gives us a map to how we dance together with the people we love and where those dances go in terms of outcome. It gives us a map to our own vulnerabilities and emotions. It tells us how supremely sensitive we are to signals of rejection or abandonment by other people, and that this sensitivity is wired in.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“We all know on some deep, visceral level how much we need others, and the strongest among us can accept that and learn how to connect.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“Tango is about attunement, and so is love.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“In the end, what none of us can bear is the feeling that we’re alone and that we don’t matter to another human being.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“Passion is about feeling safe enough to be completely absorbed in the experience and let it take you over. Passion is about full engagement.” — Dr. Sue Johnson

“It’s very hard to be open and physiologically responsive when you’re afraid and guarding yourself all the time.” — Dr. Sue Johnson


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